Do not tell the other humans

Hello Yoga Friends,

It is me, Zelda. The yoga dog.
Perhaps you have seen me frolicking on the beach?
Well, here I am standing on the laptop.

You might be wondering, "Why is Zelda standing on Darlene's laptop?"
I will tell you friends. I am standing here for two reasons:

1. Secretly, I have been practicing how to hop from the couch to the coffee table where Darlene keeps her laptop.
2. I am TRYING to stop Darlene from posting a picture of this bullsh*t haircut she LET the dog groomer give me.

I can not believe it when I see myself in the mirror Monday. I look like a goat. Or maybe Yoda. 
SMH.

I slide my little dog forearms out in front of me like a sphinx. 
I think: Darlene will pay. Oh yes she will. For at LEAST two days.

When we wake up Tuesday morning I put on my best DOWNTRODDEN dog demeanor. I wump around the apartment and I try my best not to drink any water.

I can tell she is worried about me. I decide to start limping.

Wednesday comes and I keep right on going with the punishing. I limp around. I hear Darlene talking about the groomer and how depressed I am and how the groomer hurt my paw and how I might even have a fever but she does not know what a dog temperature should be.

Ok, I get a LITTLE nervous when she texts the JustAnswer Vet. I hope I don't have to hide under the couch in fear of THE THERMOMETER.

Thankfully, there is no thermometer in sight.

At night I wheeze a little next to Darlene, you know, just to throw her off. However, the wheezing trick kind of backfires. I hear talk of ANIMAL HOSPITAL.

This is not good. I stop wheezing and go to sleep.
I am pretty sure my little charade has come to an end here.

The next day I wake up and act like nothing has happened. I bounce! I jump! I run! I eat AND drink! I bark and play and do other normal dog stuff. 

I can tell Darlene is confused by the sudden bounce-jump-run dog trick. When she leans over to open the laptop I jump right across the couch and land right on it. 

Maybe when she closes her laptop she will notice the little paw prints and tiny scratches all over her new computer.

I KNOW she will post the picture. 
I do not care. 
My hair will grow back.

I win.
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DO NOT tell the other humans.

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